Crystalized Caffeine
by Kit-Kat Punk-lover
Summary: Light was having a bad day. A very bad day. Yet, again he was forced to get L his coffee but what happens when he can't find the sugar? What happens when he uses a jar called "Crystalized Caffeine"? Crazy things that's what! A bit of LxLight Crackish


_Hello all of you people of Earth(and other planets that might have internet). You do not want to know where I got this idea from. It was me and my friend at 2 in the morning with alot of candy. Ah, the wonders of sugar. Anyway, let's get on with the fic now. Oh and this will switch from POVs quite alot._

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Death Note the world would have come to an end!!!!!!!

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_Prologue_

L.....

Oh, how that name made me want to growl in frustration.

He thinks he's so brilliant, that he has the world at the edge of his slim fingers. He thinks he has me at the end of his fingers. Well, I am not his little maid. Nor, do I wish to scrum down to his feet.

Then why do I do every little thing for him!?!?

He makes me get his coffee everyday! That's what Matsuda is for! And yet he makes me do it! Why you ask? Simple: he loves to torment me. He has deluded himself to believe that I am Kira. Imbecile. I am most certainly not! (Me: Haha sure!)

So everyday at exactly the same time he'll uncuff my chain and force me to go get him some coffe. What's worse is that I have to put sugarcube after sugarcube in the wretched drink. Disgusting. It makes me want to vomit. And I can do anything to his drink with out him finding out.

He loves to watch me from his cameras to see if I'll try and do something "Kira-like". I wish I could do something, anything to his drink that will make him pay. Even if it just makes his face turn sour, that would be satisfaction.

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_Ah yes our Fluorescent friend is very frustrated. But what happens when one paticular morning he discovers something hidden in he corners of the kitchen? What kind of mayhem will this cause?_

Like any other morning, I was getting L his damn coffe. I rubbed my tired eyes as I looked through the grey cabinets in search of his favorite substance. But this paticular morning proved to be getting more frustrating with each passing second.

Where is the sugar?!

After opening every drawer, every cabinet, evrything that could open I still could not find the sugary white substance. I rubbed my temples and I searched the countertops for any jar that might hold what I needed. Nothing. Zip, zilch, this day is proving to be a very bad one.

When I was about ready to throw in the towel my auburn eyes finally spotted what I needed. Hidden in the very back corner behind useless jars and spices was a small glass filled will sugar. It even said on the bottle _Crystalized Caffeine_. That had to be it.

So I grabbed the jar and poured it into L's coffee. I stirred it until the liquid turned into a muddy paste. Exactly how L wants it, revolting.

I picked up the mug and carried it into the computer room where we all were searching for where Kira could be hiding. So far the search had come up nothing, but I feel like we're getting close.

"Here's your coffe, Ryuzaki." I said through my teeth. I hope he chokes on it.

"Ah, thank you Light-kun." he says as his spidery hands wrap around the mug. He adds more sugarcubes and stirs them in. I don't now how he can drink so much sugar and not be sick.

He gulped the whole cup in one drink and contiued to tap on his keyboard. Not one reaction. Then again was I really expecting one?

_---_

_A few hours later our adorable detective was feeling quite strange...._

What is this feeling?

I'm starting to feel... what's the word, _dizzy._

I was just researching a company that has a 43% chance that Kira is one of it's workers when this strange feeling came over me. Why is everything suddenly blurry? The numbers on my computer screen are becoming incoherent.....and I can barely read the percentages that I've been loading and-

-is that a green rabbit! What is a green rabbit doing hopping around the room?! Why is it even green?!

These questions buzzed in my head as I stared baffled at the green creature. Nothing in my genius mind explained this. Soon the green rabbit was joined by a odd flying creature that I have no name for. Just that it's extremly eeire.

I looked through the possibilities of why I was seeing these strange things. It could be.......wait- what was in that coffee?!

_While L was freaking out Lightbulb was noticing the detective acting oddly..._

Is it just me or is Ryuzaki acting...odd?

"Ryuzaki?" I asked, "Is something the matter?" for some reason his wide eyes had been fixiated on the same spot for some several minutes. Not that I had been watching him or anyth-

Anyway, the point was L was not acting himself. "Ryuzaki" I tried again. Still, the detective was unresponsive.

Then all of a sudden, "Light-kun do you see that!?" he pointed to an empty space, the same space that he had been gawking at. Was he joking or was this some kind of test?

Before I had a chance to answer the detective's strange question, he had flown out of his seat and rushed over to the empty space. He began poking the empty air. "Umm is Ryuzaki okay?" Matsuda asked me.

I honestly had no clue.

"Light-kun look at this!" his eyes were wide with excitment as he held up what appeared to be nothing.

"Ryuzaki-san, you are holding nothing." my father said. L tilted his head like a child would and I realized something....

The sugar...... what the heck was that sugar?!

Oh god... please tell me it wasn't-

"Aggg Ryuzaki!" L had proceded to jump on my back causing me to fall on my face. This was turning out to be the worst morning ever.

"Light-kun it grew fangs! Now it's scary!" he's gone over the edge. He is most definely high. His long fingers gripped my hair in fright and caused me to yelp when he pulled my head up.

"Dad get him off me!" they were just standing there watching me get beat up by L! Idiots.

"Oh! right..." they tried to yank the bewildered detective off of me but to no avail. Then we heard the noise we thought we only hear when hell freezed over....

L giggled. He actually let out a noise of amusment. Yea, he was definetly on crack. Which leads me to my next questions....

What was crack doing in the headquarters!?!!?!? What idiot decides to place crack next to the sugar?! When I find him oh you can bet he's going to pay.

_Ah yes, L was indeed on crack. But how did this crack get here you ask? You see...._

"Mello, are you sure L won't kill us if he finds out we're here?"

"Relax Matt, just don't mention that we had to sneak in some guy's bag to get here."

"At least you got a guy! I was stuck in some grandma's bag!" the redhead complained.

"That's your own fault! Now, help me with this." the blond demanded.

"May I ask what is that?" Matt asked his friend wearily. Knowing Mello it was not good.

"I stole it from that guy's bag. I think it's crack! We could stick it in that kira guy's cup." Mello answered with an evil smirk spread across his face.

Matt stared at his chocolate-loving friend for a long time. Such a long time that Mello was starting to think that he was stunned into silence. Well, until he screamed that is, "Mello! You idiot! You don't steal _crack_ from some random guy's bag! Do you want to get arrested?' he yelled at Mello.

But, this only caused the blond's smirk to grow wider, "Yes I do."

The two boys then heard a noise that sounded like footsteps. Footsteps that were getting closer and closer to where they were which was incidentally the kitchen.

"Shit! Matt hide!" Mello stcuck the jar of crack in the far corner. Matt barely had time to notice the lable on the container which read _Crystalized Caffeine._

The blond pulled him into the other room while they watched the tired man, who looked very much like a model for Abrocombie and Fitch, walk in. "Hey Matt..." Mello hissed in Matt's ear, "isn't that the idiot who L thinks is Kira?"

Matt squinted his eyes at the exhausted man and tried to remember the files he hacked on Roger's computer. Of course Mello had forced him to hack the file, saying that they had the right to know if L was winning or not. The files told nothing of whether L was indeed winning but they held valuable information. One of the files held the photo of L's prime suspect for the Kira investigation.

"Hold crap it is!" he whispered back.

They watched the suspect as he frantically searched every cabinet muttering "Where is that sugar?!" over and over to himself. Mello and Matt gave each other a look that said "This guy is nuts."

When Matt looked back he felt his stomach do a somersault as he saw the man pour the whole jar of _Crystalized Caffeine_ into the cup. No one on the face of the Earth drank that much sugar, no one except L.

The suspect left in a hurry once he had the cup of coffee. Mello and Matt jumped from their hiding spot as soon as he was out of veiw. The possibilites were endless of what could happen when L drank the crack filled coffee.

"Ah shit!"

_And that my children is the source of the Crystalized Caffeine, two Whammy boys who indeed can act very brainless at times. Afraid they might get into serious trouble which could result in the taking of their chocolate and videogames, they hid in one of the empty rooms. They were lucky this room did not have a camera or a wiretap. Of course the reason they held neither was quite simple..._

"Great Mello, just great. You had to pick the room the Watari was occuypying." the two boys were tied to a chair so that no escape was possible for either. Watari was cheerfully talking to Roger as he sorted out the difficulties.

Finally he said, "Thank you Roger. I'll make sure these two boys get on the very next flight." he hung up his phone and placed it down on the desk.

With a smile that never seemed to leave his face he told the boys, "You shall be leaving shortly. I'm afraid Roger is quite upset with you two." This peice of information caused both boys to gulp in terror.

"Now would you like to see L before you both depart?" he asked. Mello and Matt both nodded vigorously at the chance to see their idol. Well, that was until they realized their idol was right about that moment high.

Their faces turn to ones of fear. Fear that they would be strangled severly by the happy old man once he found out.

Watari pushed the button on the speaker which would go through the computers in the task force room. The same room in which L was going loopy. "L, there is someone here to see you." he waited a few seconds before he spoke again, "L?"

"Matt, do you think they have chocolate in heaven?" Mello asked his friend as he shifted in his seat.

Matt looked at his tied up friend and answered, "Do you honestly think we'll be allowed in heaven?"

_When the taskforce heard Watari spoe through the computer they were a bit shocked. Shocked that his timing was perfect. They were currently having trouble catching the fanatical detecive. In L's eyes he was still chasing the fanged green rabbit who was chasing the odd creature he still had no name for. Things were very crazy to say the least for all members of the room..._

"Is that Watari?" Matsuda asked as he approached the computer screen.

"I believe it is. Watari, L is uh he can't really talk right now." Soichiro Yagmai answered. Yes, L was definetly not able to talk right now. Unless you wanted to hear him ramble on about bunnies and fanged creatures that is.

"What do you mean by that?' the kind, old gentlemen asked. The cheif figited in his seat. How was he suposed to answer that?!

"Dad!" Light yelped as he was yet again on the floor being crushed by L.

"Look at the cameras and see for yourself." was all the cheif could manage as he rushed over to help his son. L hopped off of Light and began dancing to everyone's amazment. It was clear to them at least that the detective had finally snapped.

There was a long silence over the intercom as Watari processed L's current status. Then they heard the him spoke but not to them, "Do you two have anything to do with this?" he asked in a stern voice.

Everyone except for L, of course, inched towad the intercom as they heard muttering in the background.

"I swear it wasn't me! It's all Mello's fault!"

"Me! Your the one who left the jar on the counter!" Jar?! Light's eyes widened. It appeared that his suspicions were correct.

"What jar?" Watari asked the two mysterous voices.

"Uhh we'll you see...."

"Mello stole a jar of crack from some dude's bag!" a voice blurted out.

"Matt! What happened to protecting your friends!?"

"I'm saving my own skin thank you very much!"

Then the taskforce plus Light heard something they never hear, Watari yelled, "You mean you stole a drug from someone's bag?!"

There was a long silence. Until a gulp and then a "Yes".

Finally, Soichiro Yagmai decided to interrupt, "Hold on. Are you saying that L is... high?" everyone's eyes widened as they grasped this news. It was indeed possible that L had somehow mistook the drug for sugar. But, L never got his coffee it was always...

"I swear I thought it was sugar!" Light said before anyone had the chance to accuse him.

_And so while everyone sorted out the how L turned wacko, L was starting to notice the drug wearing off..._

"L-light?" he said as he felt himself fall backwards.

"L!" Light came over and swiftly caught the detective before he could fall and break his spine.

"Come closer Light-kun." L whispered.

Light felt his heat beat as he did what he was told.

"Closer..." strangely everyone else was still engrossed in the topic if L's "Sugar High".

Light inched closer until his ear was right next to L's mouth.

"Yes, L?" he breathed. Was he about to die? Could L possibly take to much crack. No, he couldn't die! Light felt his heart jab at the thought of it. Even though he felt uttermost hatred for the man they still were like friends. L couldn't die....

"Light-kun..."

"L!" Light turned and faced the just as that feeling of hope emerged a feeling of rage bubbled over as L's cocky smile appeaed, "Light-kun please go get me some coffee and this time hold the drugs."

_Epilouge_

_And so our lovely detective regained his senses and throughly scolded Mello and Matt for bringing in drugs. The taskforce were very confused the rest of the day and Light contiued his task of getting L coffee every single day of his miserable exsistence. Of course this time he had to make sure the sugar was indeed sugar and not "Crystalized Caffeine"._

_**The end**_

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We'll that was random. Anyway it doesn't matter if you thought this was crazy, funny, or psyco you still need to reveiw. Reveiws make me cry tears of joy so please... Plus you shall recieve my famous muffin! Yay muffins!!!!!!


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